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By Jack H. Smith
Voice Editor 

Column: Bleacher Butt

 

February 27, 2019



When I first started in journalism, I always thought a dream job would be a major movie critic. Several times a week I'd be able to watch movies and then would get the opportunity to write about them.

I don't watch nearly as many movies as I used to, I've kind of transitioned to binge watching television shows, but at a time I would spend multiple hours a week watching a wide variety of cinema. I think for a year or two I was going to try and work my way into a position where I could be a movie critic, that was until I actually tried to write a review. It is way harder than it appears, and it actually took all the fun out of watching the movie.

I'm really glad I decided against the career move because the older I get the less comfortable I get at the movie theater. In my opinion there is nothing better for a movie than sitting in a theater with the huge screen and amazing sound system. My biggest problem is that I get way too uncomfortable in the seat. About an hour into the movie I am no longer enjoying myself and want to get up and walk around for about 30 minutes. I really wish there was some sort of pause button I could use but I don't think the other patrons would think to kindly of me walking around the lobby because my butt hurts. The same goes for having to use the bathroom. I could not drink anything for three days and use the bathroom moments prior to the start of the film and would still have to use the bathroom during the biggest scene of the movie. It happens every single time.

At least on the couch I can pause my show so I can go use the bathroom, although it is still not the same being in the theater.

I cover quite a few high school sporting teams, and this is a part of my job I really enjoy. Unlike a movie review, it is a lot more fun to write a story about a team or sporting event.

However much like the movie theater experience, I'm am starting to get really uncomfortable in my seat. I should probably think about getting one of those cushions or seatbacks that many people carry around. I used to think those were a little bit silly when I was younger and I did not understand the need for them, but now I think that everyone who uses is an absolute genius. Sometimes the bigger arenas have better seats, but they still aren't as good as a movie theater seat and that still gives me troubles.

If I'm covering a few games I can usually get up for interviews and pictures so it's not really a big deal, but one thing that has always driven me crazy is what I like to call "romper room" in the stands.

It doesn't matter what high school I am at, for some reason kids think of the bleachers as their own bouncy castle and it makes me crazy. I've got a bad knee (I'm really aging myself with this column) and every time a kid bounces up and down it makes me yelp.

It's like for some reason once a kid gets in the bleachers they forget how to walk and have to jump like they are avoiding cracks on a sidewalk. And the stairs going up the bleachers seem to be an afterthought. I also probably get kicked in the back about five times a game which is always a real plus too.

JACK H. SMITH

Parents do their best to try and correct their kids if they are being super naughty, but they are also trying to watch the game and don't always see what is going on. I'm not sure there is any way to really remedy the problem, other than putting a huge bouncy house outside the school for kids to let loose with their energy. There is also the social element of a game, it's not necessarily being there for the event, it is more to play with friends and have fun at school while not really being at school.

When I don't have a media table, I've found that if I sit as far away as possible things are generally okay.

And I guess I shouldn't complain that much, I get to write a story about sports, and don't have to write about a movie.

 

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